Focus!!

Ok, you probably thought I've given up on blogging already. Nope, it's just that I have no focus. There, I said it. I hate to admit it, but it's true. And it doesn't seem to matter if it's subject matter that I am interested in. I catch myself drifting all the time, whether it's a class I'm taking, studying or even in the middle of a class at the gym (yeah, not good to be in the middle of a packed kickboxing class and suddenly I'm going in the opposite direction of everyone else because I'm constructing a to-do list in my mind), at some point, my mind is going to drift.

My lack of focus can best be demonstrated in a recent yoga class...

Instructor: Ok, let's move into pigeon pose.
Me: (Yeah me, love pigeon pose!)
Instructor: Ok, feel the stretch... focus on your breath here feeling it move in and out...
Me: (Ok... focusing on breath... in... out... in... out... ... ... oh, I can't forget to get cat food on the way home. Oops! Focus! Breathing in... out... ... ... Target is next door, I should just go there. Stop it!! Breathing in... out.... in... out... They have some super cute summer tops too right now, I should just go take a peek... Gah! Come on, this really isn't that difficult, is it?? Focus!! Breathing in.... out... in... ... ... ah... ... ... breathing in, out............. There, see? I'm doing it! Crap, now I'm not... in... out... deep breaths... I should take a look at their sunglasses too.......)

Do you see my problem here? Do I have ADD?? Or do I just have so much going on that I can't possibly focus on one thing? Or is this something learned? How does one improve their focus?

An Introduction

I'd like to take a moment or two to tell you more about me and why I'm up here writing for the world to see (currently all two of them, hahaha).

A few things about me...

1. I am loud. And a lot of the time I don't even realize it. I don't know if it's because I had to talk over 3 other non-stop talking, loud siblings as a child (Ok, I still do, my family gatherings are A LOT to take, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.)... or maybe it's a disability where I can't control the volume of my voice... or maybe subconsciously I need to be the center of attention and I talk louder to ensure that I am whether people want to pay for tickets to my circus or not. I used to feel embarrassed by this. But I realize it's just who I am. I am loud, I am vibrant and I'm going to hit you like a ton of bricks... but it's going to be fun. And think of it this way... the increasing volume of my voice correlates with how much fun I am having. So if I am talking to you and I just keep getting louder, it means that I'm enjoying talking with you. It's a compliment.... JUST ACCEPT IT! See? I am enjoying this and I like you already. ;) So my point? Maybe writing is the vent I need to tone down my attention-commanding voice!


2. For the first time in my life, I am thinking about what I want. Ok, that sounds simple and very vague. Allow me to enlighten you. I am a nice person... waaay too nice. I have always prioritized others wants before my own and while that all seems very noble and I am well-loved as a result, it causes problems. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I don't even know sometimes what I want because I have never even considered it. What made me this way? It's so much an inherent part of me that I really don't even know, but I am hoping with writing this blog, I can uncover the real me.


3. I'm currently unemployed. And at first, it was shocking. But I now realize it truly is a blessing. I have a great deal of free time now to play, reflect and plan the next chapter in my life... and it's going to get good... so stay tuned!!

my PIC (that's partner in crime for those of you who are not in the know ;) ) and I were mesmerized by a certain dance instructor out on the floor. His dancing was flashy - full of jumps, spins and styling - oh he was sexy and our hearts beat a little bit faster. Ok, a lot faster...

What is it about a flashy guy that gets our attention so much more than the one that is quiet and maybe a little bit shy but yet spends the whole night dancing with you? Why do we want the one that preens around like a bird in a mating ritual? I think my BID (biological instinct device - yes I made that up, and yes, it was just because I wanted to use an acronym, humor me) has a defect. I mean, really? How useful is his flashiness to me? Do I really need a guy spinning, jumping and strutting for me? What, would he be parading around my bed at night to ward off strangers?

And men fall for this too. As I was stepping out to make a phone call, a guy told me I had beautiful eyes (allow me to translate: boobs). And what are they going to do for him? Huh? Lactate? Pillows to lay his head on?

Dear God, I would like to return my BID to you, there seems to be a flaw in the design...